Church

Mom and I decided to check out the River of Life church not far from the house. The first Sunday we went I fell in love with it. It's exactly what I am looking for in a church, while for mom... a little too untraditional, but she's willing to give it a chance and get used to mainly worship. This Sunday she was really getting into it so I don't think that would take all too long.

I already for comfortable around members and Pastor Paul. Who mentioned a young adult class I should check out at the church so I'll think about that, and he mentioned me reading some of my poetry. He also wants to help me market my book and get it into small stores which is simply great! God is already moving in my life through this church after only 2 Sundays. I'm so excited and on fire....This is what I have missed since I graduated RMU. I missed Chi Alpha's atmosphere and the people, and I found it again in ROL.

I can't wait to see what else God is going to do in my life.

Song of the moment: Jesus Lover of My Soul
"Jesus lover of my soul,
Jesus I will never let you go
You've taken me from the miry clay,
Set my feet upon the rock and now I know
I love you I need you I will worship you until the very end."

Where's This Going?

So I graduated let's see....about 6 months ago and I still have no job. It's not like I'm not out there looking for them...I am, it's just that no one calls me back or I'm not qualified enough to work for them. It seems everything I try to do I'm just not qualified for and I have to ask myself, how am I supposed to get more experience and be qualified if no one will give me a chance?

So here's what it looks like I'm doing, going back to college....Cal U to be exact. And I'm following advice of many people around me and try teaching and see how that pans out. Granted I will be stepping out of my comfort zone, but maybe that's something I need to do. I can't live my life in my comfort zone right?

The time not working has given me a chance to write more. I'm not exactly happy with anything that I have written, but hey it's something...better than not writing and working on stuff.

I've given up on the idea of love all I do is get hurt soooo I'm just not gonna try anymore. I've told a couple people that I'll just become a Pentecostal Nun, but that may not oh so easy. So for the time being I'm focusing on God and see where He leads me. Maybe He'll lead me to the one He's set out for me...I know in His time not mine. I'm learning that a lot lately.

Song of the moment: Let The Fire Fall

"Lord send down the rain
Pour out Your spirit
Let the fire fall
Heal us one and all
Fall fresh on me"

OJ

Ok I just heard that OJ Simpson has written a book If I did do it what better way to keep saying he's innocent than to write a book about killing Goldman and Brown. I mean how insane can one person be to write about about how they would kill someone. I personally think he did do it, but that's neither here nor there. FOX is in turn doing a 2 hour special about the book and whatever else (what other authors get two hours come on now).

I personally think, either way it's morally wrong, and very distasteful. The book as well as the special are only bringing up all the bad feelings for the families. Why would anyone, let alone OJ, write a book about killing those two?

I'm not buying it nor am I watching FOX anymore.

Christmas

The Christmas season is pretty much here. You see commercials with Christmas specials for stores and the shows on tv. Big Lots even has the elf thing going on. But does any commercial mention the true meaning of Christmas? No.

Christmas has become a sort of marketing tool for businesses and stores. Some places have stopped saying Merry Christmas, which is fine with me. I don't want my Saviour's birth to be a marketing tool. Other stores like WalMart went back to using it, because they lost business when they said Happy Holiday's last year. I think it's a smart move for stores to say Happy Holidays because it includes all the holidays in the season, not just ours. I mean there are those of the Jewish faith that shop as well, and other religions I don't know about.

Christ wouldn't want his birth to be a marketing scheme, and neither would he want us to neglect other religions. We are taught to be tolerant, not to isolate everyone.

Merry Christmas
Happy Hanukkah
Happy Kwanzaa

Song of the Moment: White Christmas: Bing Crosby
May your days be merry and bright

Gossip

There is one person in my life that all she does is gossip. Nothing is sacred to this woman, some of you may know who I am talking about. She'll start talking to me under the guise of wanting to be friendly with me, only to begin asking questions about my best friend's relationship. Does she really think I will talk about my best friend? Or that I wouldn't tell her?

I had already told this person that I don't appreciate her asking my friends questions about me, i guess she thinks it's ok then to ask me about my friends. She also asks the stupidest of questions..like in reference to me going to teach...

"what subject"
"well I have an English degree, so...."
"Are you thinking Math then..."

How do you respond to something like that without laughing in that person's face?? It's almost like she wasn't paying any attention to what I was saying in the first place. Although that day she didn't ask any questions relating to my friends or my personal life...maybe she's learning not to "pump" me for information.

Song of the Moment: "Archatype" :Idenity X
" Fire Burns
So do your eyes
You hear me scream; I hear your cries
Lets take this landslide you call life
Make it a dream before it dies"

Free Samples

Now everyone loves to get free samples right? I know I do. I love trying new products and stuff. The packaging is cute too like the little travel size bottles of shampoo and stuff. Well anyway, I got a sample of Crest Whitening mouthwash to try, and it wasn't a dinky little bottle it was a huge bottle that would cost like $6 in stores. I was like "holy hell" when I got it.

So anyway, I've been using it after brushing and sometimes in between, and I have to say it's some good stuff. I normally don't use mouthwash because it's too strong and the alcohol in it bothers my gums. Well, this Crest Whitening doesn't have alcohol in it so it's nice and sensative to my gums. The taste is subtle also, it's minty. It helps my teeth feel fresh and clean, not to mention it's working on the tea and coffee stains on my teeth.

I highly recommend this to everyone. There's my commercial for the day :-)

Song of the Moment: One Day At A Time; Jeremy Camp
"I've been shut up shut down
held out held down
in ways I 've never knew before
but i feel your fullness in my life"

Relationships

Well I talked to Jacob some last night and asked him why he needed me in his life. What I truely mean to him, and he couldn't answer the questions. I told him he either gave me what I needed or he lost me forever and he couldn't tell me what I needed. He was supposed to call me after he let his phone charge a bit, but then evidently fell asleep which showed me I'm obviously not all to important as he claims.

Am I stupid for giving him that choice? Losing me or telling me what I mean? Is it so hard for a person to tell the one they love that, or even why they love them? Should a guy put his fiance above his mom or should the fiance be number one in his life?

I have a feeling this relationship is completely over, and the one who claims I mean the world, doesn't seem bothered by it. So I guess I need to say goodbye to a 3 1/2 year relationship which is the hardest thing I ever had to do. I'm still in tears as I type this....

Song of the moment: Cry Wolf; Meldoy Gardot.
"Lie to me, lie to me,
make me promises you can't keep
Lie to me, lie to me
Why do you always lie to me?

Ladies Night

Last night MarBells jewlers in Belle Vernon had a ladies night where we got to try on the jewlery, get a massage, free gift, a manicure, and free food, champagane, Starbucks coffee among so much more. He just wanted to pamper his lady customers. It was so nice having a business do something like this just for his customers. Studio K nail people, did a wonderful job with my nails, and I got a hand/arm massage and it felt so nice. It was also nice to have someone paint my nails for a change.

I just thought it was very nice that he would close down the store for 5 hours just to pamper his lady customers. There were door prizes to, I won a bottle of wine...how sweet is that??

Rape Convictions

I was researching rape statistics for an article I wrote the other day and something I found was rather surprising. Of the rape reported only 58% are convicted, and of those convictions only 68% are sent to jail. If they are sent to jail...well they are only there for like 2 years. No wonder some women think it wouldn't do any good if they report this crime. How can we feel safer when some convicted rapest don't go to jail and if they do in two years they'll be back on the street.

I do regret not reporting my rape, but at the same time he should be convicted and sent to jail for longer than 2 years.

Online Games

So I've been playing various online role playing games to releave some stress. I started playing Conquer Online while still in school, which was fun. I was an archer so I could fly and attack with arrows. Met a couple people but a few people made it to being actual friends. After a while a couple of us found Eudemon Online where we could have pets, which was nice. I named mine Oberon and Shakespeare hehe. Now I started play Plane Shift where you can be a ton of different things with a ton of different stories. I'm a Cat-like creature, yes I have a tail and stuff, she's so cute. I'm still in the exploring phase where I am figuring out the game and seeing how to do things but I think this one is the best one.

The graphics are better, the storyline is way better, and you have to work harder than in the other games which is good, what does get annoying is the lagging, (computer freezes for a while because of too many peole) the game only has one server so too many people are in one area at a time. Makes it alittle harder to enjoy the game. The charactrers are hard to control too, but I enjoy it.

Student Loans

Bear with me while I rant for awhile. I just graduated college and have been unable to find a job. Either no one calls back or I am not expereinced enough. Because of that I haven't been able to pay my student loans. No matter how many times i call them I can never get a hold of an actual person, and no matter how many times I email saying I have no job, they think I have money to pay for it. I recently got a letter saying I now ow 1000 dollars for the next three months. Now they know I am unemployeed how do they expect me to pay that much?? And in order to forebare the loans I need to pay $150 that of course I don't have.

Now I'm going back to school, so I have no idea if I will be able to get another loan for the next couple of years or so. So I'm in the process of looking for scholarships which make it rather hard because I hardly qualify for the bulk of them....I didn't think college was supposed to cause this much stress. Wish me luck as I continue in my efforts....

Christians

Just a short comment on something I observed...well maybe not...In one of my other blogs I posted something on being a Christian and from the comments I received it seems like the majority of people associate Christians with people like televangelists and the pastors that are in the news lately. People who preach all the time and really push the faith on people. They assume we are hyporcrits. And all Republican for some reason. There are so many stereotypes about other religions and cultures, why should Christianity be any different? I mean we don't discriminate or stereotype others, or do we? That's a big issue with some people is that we do stereotype and judge others. Am I one of the few Christians who really don't do that?

Blue Like Jazz

I have been reading Blue Like Jazz for the past couple of days, and I'm not really sure what I think about it. It's one man's views on Christian Spirituality. He has some interesting ideas that I agree with while there are some that I don't agree with, but like I said they are his opinions. The chapters seem a little random and don't connect with other chapters, least I don't think they do.

Last night I read that he thinks the human soul needs other human interaction to survive. That a person cannot survive without being around people, and being alone can make you go crazy to the point where you talk to yourself. I think my soul survives on interaction with God, not so much of interaction with people. I need to talk with God, to walk with Him, to have Him there with...it's when I dont talk to him that I go crazyand feel empty.

I haven't fully figured out the basis of this novel, but I think the more I read the more I'll understand the author's thought process.

Education

Well I've thought about it and forgot about it, and I decided to go back to college. I mean I already have aa BA in English, but that's really not taking me far, everything needs exp. and other places I'm too experienced for. So I am going back to college to finish up with Secondary Education with a concentration on English. Then once I finish that it's on to my masters in English and hopefully a PhD in English as well, and then I could teach college which is my goal, all the while being a youth minister.

I wasn't sure if this was the path I was supposed to take so I left it up to God. I payed for guidance with this decision. That he would show me the path He has set out for me. Then a couple days ago all the housing information came in the mail and I thought to myself, "well I guess this is my path afterall" I'm not sure how I will do as a teacher in any education level, but I'm leaving it up to God. He'll guide me and be beside me through it all. And like Gabriel told Mary "With God all things are possible."

So one aspect of my life is figured out :-) I no longer will stress about jobs and what am I going to do next. I already know of a bunch of schools in need now or will be in need of teachers so I'm dedicated to following this path and seeing where it will lead me.

Kids These Days

Last night we had trick or treating in our community, so grandma brought my cousin up since they don't have trick or treating in theirs (the joys of having the next neighbor being a mile or so away). Well throughout the night he would complain that he was bored and wanted to go home to play his playstation. Then he was using words I wouldn't have dream of using when I was his age. He called his mother an ass and mouthed off to grandma. If I had said anything remotely close to what he was saying my ass would be grass ya know. My other cousins and I have never acted disrespectful and bratty like he does, neither does his sister.

How could some kids these days have no respect for their elders? I mean where do these attitudes come from? When discipline doesn't work what's next?