Friendships

There are so many things that show you when a person is a true friend and when one is not. Most of the time it takes something big and tragic to really see who you matter to and who sees you as an important part of their lives. In a few short weeks I am seeing who I really matter to and who just sees me merely as an acquaintance or something like that. The people I expected to see me as important aren't acting the way they should as those who I thought didn't see me as important are treating me in a surprising way.

A lot of the time some tragedies bring friends closer together and form stronger bonds. A tragedy can make or break a new friendship or relationship. Sometimes you learn your friendship isn't what you expected nor as strong as you expected. Always remember friendships are gifts from God no matter how close or strong they are. You never know what will bring you closer or cause you to drift away. Friendships are valuable and priceless. I cherish my friends all the more and appreciate them more now. Let your friends know how important they are.

Church

My church isn't exactly the most traditional of churches. We do two offerings a regular one and one we call the Bucket offering for loose change to help pay the mortgage. When we do the bucket offering we play different songs most recently DC Talk's Jesus Freak. I came home and downloaded the song and totally love it, as did the older people in church. If I remember correctly Pastor was singing along with the song.

We are known as the church of misfits, those other churches don't approve of for various different reasons. It's in this church that I have seen more family-like atmosphere and more support during someone's trials. It's in this church that I am following my dream of being a youth minister, other churches approved of the idea, but never did anything to help me accomplish it. Pastor made me the youth minister as soon as I mentioned I would like to work with the youth. Granted we needed a youth minister, but that said a lot to me about the church and how they view implementing people into where they feel lead to be.

I love my church and thank God for leading us to it. Whenever God is pulling at your heart for something, don't ignore him. Follow His plan and guidance. Life couldn't be better since I decided to listen to God's calling.

Pains

I know throughout all this I will have various different pains, physical and emotional, but it's those pains I will remember and that will help make me stronger throughout this. As well as help bring me closer to those in my support system. I know I cannot go through this journey without pain at all I know I will have pain no matter what it is or how intense. But it's my support system and faith in God that will help me through this and overcome those pains. This isn't going to be an easy road to travel, but it's doable, I will be able to travel this path, but I will not be doing it alone. I can't let anything bring me down from my mountain. Pastor Marvin keeps telling me to stay on the mountain and avoid the valley, and thats what I'm going to try and do and with my support system I will be able to do it.

The physical pains will past and some may come again. But the emotional ones are the ones that linger and will destroy me if I let them. I try to talk everything out even if it is only to my cat and God. Even if my friends are unable to listen because of their own busy lives, I know God is there to listen, as is y cat I mean where is she gonna go LOL.

I will survive this and become stronger through my pains.

Cancer

Just a few weeks ago I was face to face with a doctor telling me I have cancer: Hodgkin's Disease to be exact. He proceeds to tell me about treatments and what's to come, but all I can focus on are the words "You have cancer." It's like facing my own death, even though he is telling me in a few short months I will be cured.

My type of lymphoma is the best kind. It responds best to the chemo and everything that when I am healed I won't have to worry about it coming back. Even with that in my head, I still have days when I cry out and ask why. The only explanation I have as of to why I have this illness is that "It just happens" and that's the hardest thing for me to deal with. There has to be a reason why this happens not only to me but others who have it.

I know I will survive, and the color I am using in this post and more to come, is the color of lymphoma awareness color. I have been through two surgeries so far and three different tests, and there will be more of both to come, but I am ready to take on this battle and I WILL WIN!