Christmas

This is my favorite time of year. I get to spend time with friends and family. Not to give gift or anything, but to celebrate Jesus and his birth. I don't get much ti me to visit with family members and it's always fun when we do.

Christmas Eve is a tradition where we all go over to Uncle Larry's house and eat and pass out gifts. The gift giving part is more for the children. Randy, Sam, my brother, and I just sit around and throw wrapping paper at each other, or try to get small pieces into Aunt Judy's hair haha. Sam and Randy are masters at this now lol. When it's all over we clean up and Aunt Judy goes to midnight service to play the piano/organ. It doesn't seem like much but it means the world to me. Christmas just wouldn't be Christmas without Christmas Eve at Uncle Larry's.

SO to you all who read this, could be no one. Have a very merry Christmas and spread the good news. Let the joy of the season be with you all year round.

Doubt

I've decided that now I'm no longer in a relationship and not focused on trying to keep it alive when it obviously was dead a long time ago; I'm focusing on my relationship with God. I've been in the word more, prayed more, even found more music I could listen to other then the secular stuff (I still listen to that, but need more Christian based stuff.) Mom and I even started going to a new church and I go to Bible study on Wednesday nights which is great cause I have a small fellowship, granted everyone is much older then me, but still I love it.

It's just at the moment doubt is creeping into my heart a lot lately. I can't find a job, everywhere I apply to I'm not qualified for for one reason or another. That leaves me with bills piling up. I applied to Cal U and got accepted so I thought I would start there in Jan. but I can't because I can't get a loan, because I've defaulted on the ones that I have. I'm finding myself in a catch 22. I can't get a job because I'm not experienced, I can't get experience b/c I can't get a loan, I can't get the loan because I don't have a job to pay for the ones I have. I know God will provide what I need and he has. I've been doing a freelance thing for a while, but that doesn't help a whole lot. I'm grateful for it though.

I'm starting to doubt that I'm to go anywhere in life. I've dreamed of starting a magazine and even a jazz club, but both I have no idea how to do either. I don't know where I'm supposed to go in my life or what this life is for. At ti mes I do get bummed out about not being able to find someone to treat me right. I know God will lead me to the right guy, but I'm tired of getting hurt in the mean-time. I don't know....

Friendships

The other night I was writing out Christmas cards and thinking about the various friends as I was writing them out. Throughout the years I met people became friends with them, lost some friends along the way and grew closer to others. Becky Conway is the one I've known the longest, but not the one I'm closest to. Donya, I've known the shortest, but it's like we've been friends forever. I don't know at what point things shifted and she became the best friend instead of Amanda. Amanda is the one that has a weird sense of humor like I do. Whenever we're together we laugh and have fun. She can brighten my outlook.

Jeremy, you're one of the ones that I can talk to about anything and just have really random conversations with. Heather, well she only calls when she has a problem. Kristopher, he's cousin but I still see him as a friend, he's always there when I need to talk and vise versa. Justin....ah Justin means the most to me because he actually saved my life. We won't go into details, but he helped through...basically Hell.

Matt L. is another that I can talk to about anything, and I really miss him since he moved to North Carolina. Gerret, haha Gerret, is the fun one that can make anything sexual like Joey on Friends. I adore Gerret, we can talk for hours and understand each other.

I like the fact that I only have a few good friends and even fewer close friends. That way only a little bit of people know who I truly am and what it's like to be me. I don't there is anyone that fully knows me yet, but there are some that are on the way.

I appreciate all my friends and love them dearly. I don't know what I would do without some of them. To me, friendships are God's gift to us. He gives us people who will make living this life a little more bearable. Love you all.

The Librarian

I watched the movie "The Librarian: Return to Solomon's Mine" because I thought they would refer to King Solomon and the books of the Bible he wrote, but they didn't. They only reference to Solomon was that he was the wisest and richest man in the Bible, and that he wrote Song of Solomon. Nothing else was mentioned about him and what is said about him in the Bible. I was somewhat disappointed in the movie as a whole. It was slow to start, and the audience sort of knew what would happen before it did. If it was on again I wouldn't watch nor would I suggest anyone to watch it.