Beyond Measure
I recently got the new Jeremy Camp cd, and have been listening to one song over and over, Beyond Measure. There is something about that song that is reaching my heart and makes me think about all the things God has provided me throughout my life. I know he has given me so much and provided me with things beyond my wildest dreams. When I listen to the song I just sit and think about the things I pray to him about and don't seem to get answers and I have to wonder, "maybe I'm not seeing or hearing the answers He gives."
I mean how does one honestly know they have received an answer from God. When I was first saved I used to be able to actually hear God's voice answering me. I actually heard him guiding me and helping me through life, but that voice has faded throughout the years and I know it's because of me, not Him. I have somewhat blocked myself from Him each time I've gotten mad at Him for some reason or another, well mainly for all the pain I endure. Sometimes it creeps into my heart and I get angry God for allowing me to be in so much pain, even though I know it has nothing to do with God and everything to do with Satan. I mean all the hardships I've endured God has turned into God, so why should I still be hurting? I wonder shouldn't God help me heal, help me find the peace I need, better yet, find my own worth?
I know other people deal with pain everyday, some even deal with the same pain that I do, and I don't understand how some people can heal and become better when I can't seem to find that peace and be able to heal and move on with my life. Everyone deals with life's crap, but sometimes we need God's help, what do we do when it seems like he's not there? I'm not saying so much that I am losing faith in God or anything like that. I'm just having a hard time knowing that he is there with me. I mean if I'm having problems how am I supposed to be able to teach junior church and work with the youth group like I'm supposed to in a couple weeks, or even YES camp in June? How can I help kids, when I can't help myself?
I mean how does one honestly know they have received an answer from God. When I was first saved I used to be able to actually hear God's voice answering me. I actually heard him guiding me and helping me through life, but that voice has faded throughout the years and I know it's because of me, not Him. I have somewhat blocked myself from Him each time I've gotten mad at Him for some reason or another, well mainly for all the pain I endure. Sometimes it creeps into my heart and I get angry God for allowing me to be in so much pain, even though I know it has nothing to do with God and everything to do with Satan. I mean all the hardships I've endured God has turned into God, so why should I still be hurting? I wonder shouldn't God help me heal, help me find the peace I need, better yet, find my own worth?
I know other people deal with pain everyday, some even deal with the same pain that I do, and I don't understand how some people can heal and become better when I can't seem to find that peace and be able to heal and move on with my life. Everyone deals with life's crap, but sometimes we need God's help, what do we do when it seems like he's not there? I'm not saying so much that I am losing faith in God or anything like that. I'm just having a hard time knowing that he is there with me. I mean if I'm having problems how am I supposed to be able to teach junior church and work with the youth group like I'm supposed to in a couple weeks, or even YES camp in June? How can I help kids, when I can't help myself?
